Being Named Stephanie
I’m not ashamed to admit it - I like my name. Always have. Let me break it down:
Source: From the Greek Stephanos, meaning crown or garland. That makes me royalty, if only in my own mind. Some have called me a princess (hey, not in a long time) and now I can say I come by it honestly.
Abbreviations: The obvious: Steph. And Steph is cool - one syllable, shortens itself ever so naturally, not too cute, not too boyish, not too anything. It’s just Steph.
The wretched: Stephie. Reserved solely for use by parents or grandparents who say it in that special way that makes it ok to be in your twenties and still want to sit on their lap, or for children named Stephanie too young to say ‘Don’t call me that’. Otherwise Stephie is obnoxiously cutesie and horrid and makes one’s skin crawl to think people are referring to her with that name. Don’t call me that.
The inventive: Steh-fanny. Emphasis on the ‘fanny.’ My friends got a kick out of this in the late teen years and it stuck for awhile. It was fun. It still gets use from time to time when I check in with that crowd and it brings us right back to 16. It was also involved in the evolution to… Annie. Drop the ‘Steph’ and that’s what’s left. Kind of far-fetched, but my mother uses this when she’s being playful, and actually, it’s not annoying. A refreshing change from all that ‘Steph’ stuff.
Also Stevie. Cool, but rare. Stef’knee. A personal favorite. Funny. Sometimes hillbilly-esque, sometimes straight-outta-Compton-esque.
Cruelty Factor:
Elementary school: Step-sister. Said, of course, really tauntingly and slowly. This was the best my elementary school class could come up with. ‘Stephie’ would have been better ammo for them. Weak.
High school: Step-on-me. This one got to me. Irritating. Mainly because the goofy guy who pinned it on me said it in such a goofy fashion that it made people laugh, and I hated that. The goofy guy a decade later still calls me that, but at least now it’s partially endearing. Partially. Parents, prepare your Stephanies for the painof Step-on-me. Perhaps teach them to respond, ‘OKAY!’ the first time some goofy guy comes along with it, and have her stomp down on his foot crushingly. That’ll learn em.
Downsides:
Signing: Nine letters is a lot. One’s hand gets tired signing nine letters over and over again, not to mention the addition of a last name. Yearbooks can be a nightmare; cheque signing, an exercise in pain. Initials. Think initials.
Mispronunciation: If you’re gonna be named Stephanie, you’re gonna be called off lists as ‘Steven’ or ‘Stephane.’ If you’re gonna be reading a list, please, for the love of all things holy, look for the ‘i’ before the ‘e’.
Ridicule from fellow Stephanies: Some Stephanies seem to go through phases of not being satisfied with the very acceptable Stephanie spelling. They become creative and come up with gems like ‘Stefani’ or ‘Stef-a-knee’.
Give me a large break.
Honorable Mentions: Baby talk. The three-syllable name is rough on infants just getting their vocab going. The results can be pretty adorable: like ‘teff-a-fee’ and ’seffie’. So sweet.
Backwards:
Eye-na-pets. Very cool.
