I’d often seen these bottles lining plastic cases on the counter of finer truck stops across the big old nation to the south. When I finally peered at the fine print, I wondered, Are there really that many asthmatics driving rigs?
Well, not exactly. You see, one of the side effects of these little bronchodilators is that they do not cause drowsiness. That is, of course, a subtle euphemism. The main ingredient here is ephedrine, a substance made illegal in Canada and in many US states several years ago, despite its effectiveness in dilating those old bronchial passages. Nowadays, pills like Advil ‘Cold and Sinus’ contain pseudo-ephedrine. Seems that people were buying up ephedrine to do a little home cooking (it’s one of the main ingredients in many forms of street methamphetamines).
For the sake of scientific study, we bought a bottle of Mini Two-Ways and tried them out on a long stretch of road between Atlanta and New York. Sarah promptly requested to be let out so that she could run alongside the van, and Johnny suddenly decided he’d make a really good typist if he only had a typewriter.
As we all know, there is no perfect drug, and there are many downsides to ephedrine. It tends to energize the body whilst virtually zombifying the mind, and it hangs around the body for a long time, making you feel like you’ve got chattering teeth on the inside of your head. Not good.
Mini Two-Way Bronchodilator Tablets, available from BDI Marketing, a division of Body Dynamics, Inc., P.O. Box 78610, Indianapolis, IN, 46278-0610